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Damaging a Jury With Your Tip, Or Something

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For those of you with some extra cash, I have a tip for you

Not an hour goes by without my work email being harassed by someone peddling something. Process servers, seminars in faraway places and cheap Viagra are my typical morning array of inbox gems. As my continuing education reporting is fast approaching, the afternoon’s frequent email solicitation is something to the tune of “UNLIMITED CLE for $199!!!” (Thanks Lawline.com, I’m good). The ones that catch always catch my attention is the legal spam that I see once or twice a week is for the newest and greatest legal advice book.

Recently, I was the fortunate recipient of 14 Free Tips on Proving Damages to a Jury. Appropriately titled, “Proving Damages to the Jury,” this gem of a legal reference manual does not appear to encourage having your clients show up to trial with the neck brace and full body cast look. Which is my go-to sympathy card. The newest title from James Publishing is being promoted in their tried and true fashion by spamming the masses with snippets of the freshest must have legal advice. Time and time again, the must have advice is laughably bad.

And it can be yours for the low, low price of $69.00.*

It is not that the enthralling examples are bad, it is that the enthralling examples are laughably bad. Or just stupid. Of the free tips, they start with strong, solid pre-trial advice:

Develop a discovery plan to support your damages theory…

I did not realize that I needed a plan to prove a case. Law school, my first five years of chasing ambulances and my addiction to The Good Wife led me to believe that all clients showed up with all relevant evidence tabbed like a 1L's first semester outline. Apparently, without this book, I would never have guessed an actual plan should be made before prosecuting an actual case.

The wisdom did not stop with the first piece of advice:

Challenge the Defense Medical Expert

Wow. Just wow. The depth of this insight is just... Staggering.

I don't care if it is a minor fact witness with a grudge or the defense's hired white who does nothing but opine that the earth is flat. You can bet my law license that I am going to challenge him.

Opposing Counsel: Please state your name for the record.

Defense Whore: Alan Q. Smith

Me: I object!

Anyone who does not think to challenge a hired gun probably needs to buy this book if only to beat themselves upsides the head with it.

This tome of wizdom covers an array of topics from discovery to jury selection to your disbarment hearing. All of the topics, at least the ones previewed by the publisher, make me question if the author, editor and the marketing gurus ever have practiced law let alone try a case. The two droplets of advice discussed above are only a sample of the puffery that awaits you after you part with your hard earned cash. When you crack open the cover for the first time, you will find out why you should:

1. "Raise the issue of frivolous lawsuits with the jury" (because nothing says strategery like reminding the twelve people who couldn't escape jury duty that your client may be a scumbag)

2. "Understand what makes cross examination powerful" (here I was thinking the ability to ask only yes or no questions while being the star for the jury was what made cross powerful... apparently I don't know everything)

3. "Plan the sequence of your questions" (again, with the planning...Boston Legal did three trials a week and I saw no planning. What gives???)

As I look over the five tips I have shared above, the desire to buy this book had grown inside of me. I can only imagine that I am missing vital tips and suggestions that would transform my legal career. I hope that you all see the necessity of spending this money and that you immediately place an order.

For a Con Daily T-Shirt.

 

*Plus Shipping and Handling. Please allow six to eight weeks shipping. Not valid where prohibited. ^

[Read more from The Namby Pamby]


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